saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
