dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
