I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
