We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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