Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
