if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
