Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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