Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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