I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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