Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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