you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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