We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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