Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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