i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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