You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
