saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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