I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
