dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
