I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
