So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize