is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
