just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
