i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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