First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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