all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
