Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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