Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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