Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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