so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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