So drunk its hurt
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
