Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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