i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
