She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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