Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
third nipple confirmed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
