Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
