2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How's work?
Spinning.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
