I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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