twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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