If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
