Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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