Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize