I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
