I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
