Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
