Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
