WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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