Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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