She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize