smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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