did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
