Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
