we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
