It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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