So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
