i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
