Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I FOUND THE LEGS
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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