Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
