Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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