Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
