I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
