how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
