Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
