i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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