Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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