The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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