but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
