I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
