pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
