the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
