After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
