Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
