Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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