sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
