Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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