Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
