Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
