Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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