bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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