So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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