What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"