Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...