That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?