Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
