we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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