I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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