Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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