Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
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And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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