So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
